How Do You Know One When You See One?

In a grand ballroom party conducted by the Philippine Society of Colleges and Universities, the Chairman of the Board got curious in knowing what particular schools attended the big celebration. So he checked out the house where it was all happening. Guess who he found out and where he found them?

UP (Diliman) - everybody was lined up to the attic to have a fraternity ritual
UP (Los Banos) - they were in the garden mowing the lawn
UP (Manila) - they were into "masamang bisyo"
Ateneo University - they were inside the TV room with a microphone chanting the "BLUE EAGLE" spelling
La Salle - they were eavesdropping
St. Louis - they were in front of the air conditioner
UE - they don't know what's an air condition
UST - they were everywhere
FEU - they were nowhere
MLQU - sob! they were not invited
San Sebastian College - how the hell did they pass by security?
Letran - the Security
Mapua - they were fixing the leak in the roof
TIP - they were the ones who created the leak
NU - they were outside the house selling cigarettes
JRC - they were the ones buying
Adamson University- went to Luneta Park instead and was having a good time
Sta. Isabel College- joined in and were Adamson's dates
CRC - what the hell is this party for?
PSBA - what the hell is CRC?
NCBA - what the hell is PSBA?
San Beda - some were beside the Ateneans while others where with Paulinians
St. Paul College- they thought they were with the Ateneans
La Consolacion - they wanted to be the Paulinians
Holy Spirit - they want the Paulinians
Miriam College- they were beside Ateneans . . . like always
Assumption - they were inside the bathroom three hours already since arriving
St. Scholastica - they were next in line
CEU - some were doing the dishes while others were busy with the laundry



Mahirap Ang Lahat

Sa UP, mahirap ang Math.
Sa Ateneo, mahirap ang English.
Sa La Salle, mahirap ang parking.
Sa Santa Isabel College, mahirap ang walang pera.
Sa UST, mahirap umuwi kapag baha.
Sa Adamson University, mahirap umuwi kahit anong oras.
Sa St. Scho, mahirap sumakay sa LRT
Sa San Beda, mahirap maging lalaki.


Where To Go To College?

If you have a lot of brains and a little money, go to UP.
If you have some brains and some money, go to Ateneo.
If you have no brains and lots of money, go to La Salle
If you have no money, go to PUP.


Friends at Hunting

Three friends La Sallite, a UP stude, and an Atenean went on a hunting trip.

The first night, the guy from UP comes back to cabin with a big deer. The others ask him how he did it, and he cooly replies: "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! I got the deer!"
The next night, the guy from Ateneo comes back also with a big deer. "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! I got the deer!" was the Atenean's story.
So the La Sallite decides to try it himself. But the next night, as he drags himself back to the cabin, his two companions find him bruised and bloody all over. "What happened?" they ask? "Well," replies the La Sallite, "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! A train hit me."


Pasikatan ng Graduates

UP: A number of past Philippine presidents graduated from UP. Presidents oxas, Quirino, Laurel, Garcia and Marcos, to name just a few!
ATENEO: Hah! That's nothing, a number of Ateneo graduates became national heroes like Jose Rizal, Gen. Gregorio del Pilar, Gen. Antonio Luna, Evelio Javier and many others.
UP: That just goes to show you, UP graduates become presidents and lead countries while Ateneans end up getting shot!
LA SALLE: Wala 'yan. Talo kayo sa mga gradweyt namin!
UP & ATENEO: Bakit sino ba ang mga graduates ninyo?
LA SALLE: Aba! Marami kaming sikat na gradweyts; si Gary Valenciano, Dingdong Avanzado, Ogie Alcasid, Monsour del Rosario, Rico Yan . . .


CHRISTMAS SPIRIT

A few days before Christmas, the Monsignor thought it would be a good idea if he solicited the support of a number of the Catholic Schools to get together to create a Nativity Scene in time for the Christmas Mass. The day before Christmas, the Monsignor discovered that the Nativity Scene was still incomplete so he made a few inquiries on why this was so
Ateneo reported it could come up with only two and not three wise men.
La Salle reported it couldn't come up with even a single wise man.
San Beda reported that it could only come up with three wise gays.
UP reported that they killed the three wise men.


The Exam

Si Pedro at Cardo after the exam.
Cardo: Perdo, nahirapan ka ba sa questions sa exam?
Pedro: Hindi!
Cardo: Ang galing mo naman!
Pedro: Nahirapan ako sa answers!


Colonial Mentality

Dahil sa nananatiling "Colonial Mentality" ng ating mga kababayan, marami ang nagpapalit ng kanilang mga pangalan matapos silang sumumpa ng kanilang US citizenship. Sa ibaba nito ay mga halimbawa ng mga datihang Pilipino na tuluyan ng itinakwil and kani - kanilang pangalang Pilipino.

Pangalang Pilipino ... Ipinalit sa American Name

1. Restituto Fruto - Tutti Fruti
2. Casimiro Bocaycay - Cashmere Bouquet
3. Rogelio Dagdag - Roger Moore
4. Veneracion De Asis - Venereal Disease
5. Alfonso De Asis - Alzheimer's Disease
6. Topacio Mamaril - Top Gun
7. Francisco Portero - Frank Porter
8. Juanito Lakarin - Johnny Walker
9. Esteban Pagtakhan - Stevie Wonder
10. Leon Mangubat - Tiger Woods
11. Burgos Hari - Burger King
12. Ligaya Almundo - Joy To The World
13. Maria Natividad - Mary Christmas
14. Ligaya Anonuevo - Happy New Year


Ilang Tanong

Ano ang hayop na hindi sigurado? - Baka

Ano ang hayop na pinuputol? - Cat

Ano ang hayop na laging ayos? - Ox


Spelling

Teacher: Miguel spell horse!
--Miguel: H....O....
Teacher: Bilisan mo
--Miguel: H....O....R...
Teacher: Sabing bilisan mo
--Miguel: Ya! Tigidig!!!Tigidig!!! Tigidig...


An Alcoholic Son's Letter To His Dad

Beer dad,
Gin na ko mag-iinom whisky kelan. Tanduayan mo yan.
Your son,
Miguel. (ayos pare!!)


Ways To Know You Are A Filipino

1. You point with your lips
2. You nod upwards to greet someone.
3. You collect items from hotels or restaurants "for souvenir".
4. You smile for no reason.
5. You flirt by having a foolish grin in your face while raising your eyebrows repeatedly.
6. You go to a department store and try to bargain the prices.
7. You add an unwarranted "H" to your name, i.e. "Jhun," "Bhoy," "Rhon."
8. You put your hands together in front of you as if to make a path and say "excuse, excuse" when you pass in between people or in front of the TV
9. You like everything imported or "state-side."
10. You Check the labels on clothes to see where it was made before buying.
11. You always offer food to all your visitors.
12. You say "comfort room" instead of "bathroom."
13. You say "for take out" instead of "to go."
14. You asked for "Colgate" instead of "toothpaste."
15. You asked for a "pentel-pen" or a "ball-pen" instead of just "pen."
16. You order a McDonald's instead of "hamburger"(pronounced ham-boor-jer)
17. You say "Ha?" instead of "What."
18. You say "Hoy" to get someone's attention.
19. You answer when someone yells "Hoy."
20. You turn around when someone says "Psst!"
21. Your sneeze sounds like "ahh-ching" instead of "ahh-choo."
22. You prefer to make acronyms for phrases such as "OA" for over acting, or "TNT" for, well, you know.
23. You say "air con" instead of "a/c" or air conditioner.
24. You say "brown-out" instead of "black-out."
25. You have a portrait of "The Last Supper" hanging in your dining room.
26. You own a Karaoke System.
27. You own a piano that no one ever plays.
28. You own a "barrel man" (you pull up the barrel and you see something that looks familiar. schwing...)
29. You refer to your VCR as a "beytamax
30. You have a giant wooden fork and spoon hanging somewhere in the dining room
31. Your car has too many "burloloys" like a Jipneys back in P.I.
32. You hang a Rosary on your car's rear view mirror.
33. You order a "soft drink" instead of a "soda."
34. You refer to seasonings and all other forms of monosodium glutimate as "Ajinomoto"
35. This you 'll agree 100% ... Goldilocks" means more to you than just a character in a fairytale.


Asenso Na

IDOT: "Kumusta na? Long time no see ah!"
BONI: "Kararating ko lang galing sa Africa."
IDOT: "Africa?"
BONI: "Doon kami nadestino."
IDOT: "Hindi ba maraming cannibals doon?"
BONI: "Nakakatakot nga, pero mga edukado na ngayon sila."
IDOT: "Hindi na ba sila kumakain ng tao?"
BONI: "Nangangain pa rin ng tao, pero gumagamit na ng kutsara!"


Pilosopo

MR DANILO: "I am your teacher, I am good in three languages."
PIKAW: "What are the subjects you're good at?"
MR DANILO: "Oh, I like Math and English."
PIKAW: "How do you say 'good morning' in Algebra?"


Funny & True Pinoy Signs Found While Traveling

No parking and repair here - sign on a house beside a car repair shop

Taxi and outside cars not allowed - sign at a parking lot

No Crossing Pedestrians will be apprehended. - sign at Philcoa

Sorry for the inconvenient. - typical roadwork sign

Your taxes is working. Temporarily close. Yet another typical roadwork sign

Slow Men at Work - PLDT sign

Please help our comfort room clean. - sign at a self-service restaurant in Cebu

Fresh frozen chicken sold here - sign in a Baguio grocery

Welcome to the only Catholic Country in Asia! Beware of pickpockets - sign near a Church

None ID, nothing entry - sign at construction site, Cubao

No trispassing. If you trispass, you will be biten by d?dog. - sign in Tondo

now showing- the carpenters - on a sign outside a construction site

Jojo's Beauty Salon, for man and woman - on a billboard in Pampanga

Barya lang po sa umaga - sign in jeeps

Johnny's, the Fried of Marikina - they sell tasty fried chicken, guess where?

Petal attraction - pangalan ng isang flower shop

"...experience is needed but not required.."- sa classified ads

This one is not in Pinas pero pwede na rin siguro: A church sign in front of the priest's reserved parking space: THOU SHALT NOT Park Here!

Maruya Carey, BananaramaCue - sa menu signboard sa Potato Corner kiosk sa Greenbelt

Actual store names in Metro Manila believe it or not:

Ali Baka (Shawarma)

Anita BakeryActual store names in Metro Manila believe it or not:

Beefer 150 ( Meat Shop )

Common Cents Store ( Sari-sari Store )

Crispy per minute ( Crispy Pata Eatery )

Curl Up And Dye ( Beauty Salon )

Doris Day And Night

Elizabeth Tailoring

Farmacia With Love ( A Drugstore )

Felix the Cut ( Barber Shop )

Goldirocks ( Gravel & Sand Shop )

Labo Optical

Mane Attraction ( Beauty Parlor )

Meating Place ( Meat Shop )

Memory Drug ( A Mercury Drug Clone )

Nacho Fast ( Nachos To Go )

Passers Buy ( Convenience Store )

R. Maramot Leasing (A Batangas Co.)

Saudia Hairlines ( Beauty Salon )

Scissors Palace ( Barber shop )

Second Time Around ( Second Hand Watch Store )

TapSi TurBi ( Tapa, Sinangag, Turon at Bibingka

The Way We Wear ( Boutique )

Wash & Carry ( Laundromat )

MacDonuts ( Donut Shop )

Mat & Jeep ( Jeep Accessories Shop )

Mercy Buko ( Fresh Coconut Roadside Shop )

Pizza Hot ( Pizza Place )

Your Best Vet ( Veterinary Clinic )

I saw this bakery in Project 6. It's called Bread Pitt.

My friend saw a sign infront of a 7-11 Convenience store being built. It says "sorry for the inconvenience"

Lito...Lapida Maker!

King Tuckee's Fried Tsiken....

Jullibee's wonder Chicken...

Cheeny's Roasters...

"original 1935 pandesal for sale" - A pandesal shop in aurora boulevard

"cinavon" -- with matching cinema film type logo laundromat

Mang Donalds - burger shop in pasig town proper

Cooking ng ina mo - on a carinderia

Cooking ng ina mo rin - right across cooking ng ina mo

We make modern and antique furnitures - along a highway in Pampanga

On the Ofc door of Atty. Domingo Carriedo fr. Cebu: the sign says, Notary Public Tumatanggap din po ng labada tuwing Linggo.